Belly button in or out?In,
but wide enough to get sunburned INSIDE it this week. So weird.
Exercise?YOGA = core strength!I love that I’m back in a consistent(ish)
practice that fulfills me.
Symptoms? Remember those college nights
where you’d pregame with boxed wine, then drank the mystery punch out of a huge
trash can, chug cheap beer during flip cup and end the night with a Taco Bell run
and a bucket next to the bed? I feel THAT hungover, every day. I’m ridiculously
nauseous in the morning, unable to get ready without laying back down to stop
the spins. (Fortunately, like in college, a bagel or two will usually help me
feel better). I also usually get a wicked headache in the evening, possibly
from dehydration. I’ve already noticed back pain, itchy belly and round ligament pain so I’m
terrified excited about how I’ll feel when baby really starts
getting cozy.
Sleep? Still tired enough in the
afternoon to really want a nap.
Movement? Nothing I can feel yet
Cravings? Apple juice, unsweetened iced
tea, bagels with cream cheese and raspberry jelly
Aversions?I’m still
struggling with the fact that nothing really sounds good except carbs…loads and
loads of carbs. It’s likely that I’ll give birth to a chocolate frosted donut
with sprinkles named Jimmie.
Mood? Complicated schedules have
prevented Brian and I from spending much, or really any time together lately so that
led to an emotional overflow. Also, the first wave of “holy shit,
I’m going to be responsible for someone other than myself” is sinking in. Those of you that
know me know that I can barely keep up with my own basic needs, so this is a
scary concept.
Miss anything? Not
really
Best moment this week? Hearing
baby’s heartbeat on Thursday was a great moment that I wish could have lasted longer. Also, baby’s Facebook debut on
Father’s Day! This baby is loved by so many and mama and daddy are so grateful
to have a village supporting us in this adventure.
Looking forward to? Getting bigger! I know it sounds crazy but
now that I have a donut pooch, I’m so ready for it to blossom into a full-blown
baby belly.
I donut think I said bagel enough in this post so I
leave you with this joke:
Why do
seagulls live by the sea?
Because
if they lived by the bay, they’d be called baygulls!
We decided to announce my pregnancy to the "world" on Father's Day. Our family, close friends, and coworkers already knew and we were ready to share the exciting news with everyone else now that I'm out (or almost out, depending on who you ask) of my first trimester. We were so overwhelmed with love and congratulations, I couldn't even believe it. We are grateful for each and every person that extended well wishes to us. Now that it's public knowledge, the pregnancy definitely feels more real, which was a feeling that I was anxiously waiting for. I'm really looking forward to connecting with pregnant friends and other mamas!
Before I got pregnant, I was semi-obsessed with pregnancy
and childbirth. I was planning to become a birth doula and started reading
books about all things reproduction related. I was passionate about being as
educated as possible and earned a reputation for being somewhat of a
know-it-all among my friends.
Well my friends, I was blindsided when it came to the first
trimester. I was prepared for the nausea, the exhaustion, the food aversions. I
was all set to puke and pee like crazy. I was ready to snap at my husband and
cry at coffee commercials. What I wasn’t exactly primed for was a complete
shift in my personality and a frightening anxiety relapse.
There are three key players in this game – endorphins, hormones
and anxiety.
Need a refresher
about endorphins? You’re welcome.
The effect of a sudden lack of endorphins really caught me
off guard. Before pregnancy, I was seriously active, balancing CrossFit
workouts with hot vinyasa yoga, sometimes working out 5 times a week. Both
activities were tough at times, and always fulfilling my mind, body and spirit.
I was seeing a significant gain in strength through weight training and was in
the best cardiovascular shape I’ve ever been in. I was not an athlete growing
up so this was my “peak” so to speak.While both CrossFit and yoga are safe during pregnancy when you follow
recommended modifications, I withdrew from both. A combination of low energy,
nausea and fear held me back from the activities I had grown to love. Well,
nobody tells you that when you quit intense exercise cold turkey and become a
legit couch potato, the chemicals in your brain change. I missed the endorphin
rush and pride that comes after an intense workout, I missed the opportunity to
sweat with my friends, I missed the {sometimes tough} love from inspiring
coaches and teachers that pushed me beyond my comfort zone. Moral of the story:
I felt REAL shitty about myself for becoming a benchwarmer.
Let’s mix those c-r-a-z-y pregnancy hormones into this
cocktail. You know what I’m talking about, the “excuse” that is always cited
when a pregnant woman does something wacky. Like I said, I expected mood
swings, some erratic behavior, and definitely tears. However, I didn’t
experience any of that. Instead, I went flat. Dark even. The light was gone.
I’m normally bouncing off the walls, chatting, joking, and laughing with my
friends. {Fun fact: in preschool, they took me to the kindergarten classroom
during naptime because I didn’t sleep and kept the other kids awake trying to
talk to them.} Starting around week 6, I barely spoke to anyone. I was a bad
friend and nobody wanted to be around me, which made me feel more isolated and
dejected, and even more committed to the couch.The real bullshit about hormones? They are powerful, bigger than you
sometimes. There’s no “choosing happiness”. People expect you to snap out of
your funk and return to normal on their schedule. These hormones, the butt of every pregnancy joke (usually accompanied by an eye-roll), can be
responsible for some awful, even unspeakable situations. They can be fierce and out of control. I'm lucky that after several weeks of
feeling blue, my hormones evened out and I started feeling more like myself.
However, I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t worried of what could
happen once I’m post-partum. I can’t even fathom the idea of feeling the way I
did when I have a sweet little babe counting on me to tend to his/her every
need with love. I’ve shared this fear with a small group of people, and I trust
that whatever happens after baby is born, there will be people looking out for
us.
Speaking of being terrified, let’s welcome anxiety to the
party. Just like booze, anxiety is okay when managed and in small doses. It can even fuel you to do something you wouldn’t normally do, like take flying lessons or start a business. But big-time anxiety can imprison you in your own life. It basically sucks the {real} good stuff out while pumping in {imaginary} bad stuff. For me, it distracts me from what I
have in front of me because I’m panicking about what could happen the next hour, day, week.
It dulls occasions that are supposed to be joyful because I’m so sure that
over-celebrating will somehow jinx me. Full disclosure: my anxiety used to be
worse, to the point of some OCD-type behaviors. I’ve learned to manage my
thoughts and actions, and I’ve learned that nothing I do will cause or prevent
something bad from happening.Unfortunately, one of the alternatives to panic is withdrawing all together. I found myself struggling to enjoy my pregnancy out of fear of the “what-ifs", basically a self-preservation mechanism. The guilt that came along with failing to connect with my
baby also weighed heavily on me, adding to my Molotov cocktail of emotions.
Please don’t mistake the feelings I've shared for ingratitude. I am incredibly thankful for my sweet tiny baby, my
supportive husband and the people that surround us with love. I am also fortunate to be able to identify and confront these emotions in order to successfully work through them. Most importantly, I am able to get help when I need it, without reservation. I know not everyone is as lucky.
I said earlier that one of the alternatives to fear is retreating, like climbing back down the ladder of the high dive because the nerves were too much. The other alternative is taking the leap, having faith that you'll survive and having hope that it will be amazing. Climbing back down the ladder isn't an option anymore. I'm diving in.
Maternity clothes?I
just bought a few things at Gap. I really need a good pair of jeans, however I
am wildly unimpressed with the selection at Motherhood Maternity and my Gap didn’t
have any jeans with a full panel. Suggestions?
Stretch marks?No
Belly button in or out?In.
It’s a pretty deep innie so I don’t think it’ll pop out, but it’s already
changing in appearance.
Exercise?Getting back in the swing of
things slowly with 2 yoga classes this week, one restorative and one vinyasa
Symptoms? I’m hoping this is the peak of
morning sickness for me! I’m seriously nauseous in the mornings, changing to
heartburn at night. I’ve been getting headaches in the evenings as well. I’m
feeling the growing pains that come along with an expanding belly. Today I
really noticed itchiness, tightness and pain around my belly, sides and lower
back. Mama and baby are growing!
Sleep? Inconsistent! Sometimes I sleep
a solid 9 hours, sometimes I’m awake from 4-6am, sometimes I sleep all
afternoon. Guess it’s nature’s way of introducing me to what’s to come!
Movement? Nothing I can feel yet
Cravings? I’ve been l-o-ving TJ’s vanilla
bean Greek yogurt, fresh cut strawberries, granola and TJ’s candied walnuts for
breakfast.
Aversions?Again, nothing
new
Mood? Good! Thank God for nice weather!
Miss anything?A quality, consistent
exercise routine. I mentioned before I was into CrossFit and yoga and have
backed off of both during the first trimester. I really want to gain my
strength and endurance back because I know how important it is later in
pregnancy and for labor and delivery.
Best moment this week? We went
to the Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower this week and it was incredible! I’ll
be putting together a haul/recap of the event very soon! Looking forward to? Going out on the town with girlfriends on
Saturday night! I sort of withdrew from the social scene in the beginning of my
pregnancy because I was so tired and my mood sucked. Now that I feel better, I’m
so excited to get dressed up in something beyond yoga pants for a night of
dancing, laughing and food!!
